Guarded Honesty, Frustrated Patience

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Once I guided every word that I said
Every action I took clear and never misread.
Controlled and produced a thousand perfect poses
Just to give her a taste of a life built of roses

Unlocking the secrets that held her inside
Throw open the doors so there's nowhere to hide
Allow her the freedom, and stand as her guide
And in her retreat; smile and accept that she tried

There were times that I ached not to reword my speech
Or to forget all the protocols I try not to breach
Subtle moments of frustration or fury, or rage
Set to destroy a life for her staged

Closing the windows on uncertain days
A charade of normality, a pretence I hope stays
Placing pictures of peace in the path of her gaze
Fooling myself that its worth it, that one day it pays

There are times when I forget to sugarcoat this place
When I'm off-step, distracted and I leave her to face
The world as it turns her and leaves her bestraught
There are times when to her needs I just can't contort

There are times when I step back and let her fall down
And leave her to lay there flat on the ground
Offering nothing but denial and a set angry frown
There are times I could walk out and not make a sound.